Tag Archive | British Jokes

British Jokes

A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said:

“Waiter! Waiter! There’s a fly in my soup!”

“Please don’t speak so loudly, sir,” said the waiter, “or everyone will want one.”

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There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are left?

2 birds. The other 3 fly away!

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An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: “woman without her man is nothing”. The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.

The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”

The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”

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What’s the definition of a pessimist? A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.

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A man was injected with a deadly poison, but, it did not kill him. Why?

He was already dead!

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Charles was getting annoyed and shouted upstairs to his wife,” Hurry up or we’ll be late.”
“Oh, be quiet,” replied his wife. “Haven’t I been telling you for the last hour that I’ll be ready in a minute?”

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What kind of ears does an engine have?  Engineers

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What’s green and look’s like a bucket?

A green bucket!

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A mother’s advice to her daughter about choosing the right man:

1. You need a man who has a good job and is a good provider.

2. You need a man who worships you and treats you like a princess.

3. You need a man who can make you laugh.

4. You need to make absolutely sure that these four men never meet!